Of Black holes & Stars

I am urked.

All I am to say is this: This is my life.

Don't be wasteful. There are certain activities which achieve n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Those activities which accomplish what is structurally sound require my full attention and focus but result in the fulfillment of higher-reaching goals. Yes; even though automatic, natural processes take no effort on my part, they never accomplish what I know I am capable of.

...

I have an analogy that may be useful for displaying what is going on here.

Stars

To be continued...

Blackholes

To be continued...

As a side note: I believe communication with the general public and with peers has its value, but know that your own research and your own endeavor is first and foremost. Even early researchers of Science went to the grave without revealing their discoveries because they were kept secret. Once you put your work to the hands of the public, you give away your responsibilities as well. Albert Einstein warned against the use of the atomic bomb, but the invention was no longer in his hands and was used without his permission. Yes, you may receive some compensation- a nobel prize or grants- but who is to say how it will be applied? It is not you. Even before a discovery is thoroughly researched for its long-term effects, it is often put out into the market.

Of course, when the world is market-driven with a lack of a sense of responsibility, who knows what will be put out there! I for one must redefine what wealth is to me.

This I Must Do

Yeah, I realize I have to do this. Just fast until I know it is time to stop.

It is funny that vacuoles, which remind me of blackholes, store fat in adipose cells. They are said to be there to store energy for emergency use.

Well, I've got to use mine up. It's ridiculous!

Honor

Today I hope to consecrate my life. Live to the full in honoring the people in my life. Do my best, take the higher road in all things.

It's 6:40 PM and I just wanted to say that it seems like the more excitatory neurotransmitters are released, the more inhibited a person probably becomes (perhaps increasing the production of inhibitory neurotransmitters) to counter it. This is just a thought. Too much is not beneficial.

It is strange that caffeine has an effect of increasing the production of flowers in plants. I wonder if it has an effect of increasing productivity in humans? Strange events.

Dream, dream

I just finished watching "Riding in Cars with Boys". Here is the last scene. I couldn't figure out why this movie was made when I first watched it back in high school. Now I am left with a feeling of appreciation after watching it.

I am also reminded of the power of love. I was greatly saddened by some of the words spoken to the Beverly when she was found to be pregnant. "You ruined your life" is something that I don't think anyone should ever speak. I'm reminded why I had a great need for God's love and for a close relationship with Jesus growing up. Yes, this nurtured me in every way. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever known. Also reminded of the importance of justice, of knowing personally right from wrong (sense of one's effects on others), and not the mercy and grace of love alone.

I had a great desire for freedom. In the movie, the man Beverly was with became dependent on drugs and was not able to withstand the withdrawal effects. Hmm this happens to people on so many levels for different things. He said to his wife, "this is who I am." It's easy for people to say, "I am a failure" or statements to that effect. I've said it! However, it is not true. Just with one positive track of thought a path can be switched. Yes, we can be successors. Don't let any thought or any one bring you down. Bring them up to where you are.

I want to be available for good. Everywhere, for the good works in people's lives. Perhaps there is no such thing as mediocrity. If there is something, there is something to water. The Creator is in us. He shows himself more in people who are ready for the calling.

I just wanted to inspire myself tonight. Get going on a good, affirmed path. Talk to God, be cleansed and just talk to the Author and Creator of my faith. See what things in my life I have to bring up before him. Be there to listen.

Alone

I think aloneness is key to my life. It keeps me centered. I do not like to be affected by people too much, they can swerve me so that I lose this.

I just want to live a quiet life. Read to myself. Enjoy serenity. Perhaps train on my own. This would be my meditation space.

I've got some studying to do and projects to turn in this week. Not anything of particular interest. Will quietly go about my way.

Thanks

My bro in law and sis are so kind. They are both not feeling well because of the activities of the weekend and the busy-ness. I came over yesterday and today so my sister could take a nap. Just seeing them as a family is sweet. They filled my car tank with gas and treated me to dinner.

Pretty soon I'll be in my 30's (5 years 8 1/2 months) and then the 40's will be here. I just want to live my life with a lot of love and care. I want to put good care into everything I do. This includes my body. This is all of life.

My nephew shows me how beautiful life is. He is a treasure.

I will come back to fruity days... in just 2 days. Isn't it nice? My student is coming over on Saturday to watch The Incredibles with me.

With Thanks,

Tinah

Grace

So yesterday I acknowledged that grace flows down and covers me. I decided I care about my student's happiness and whole wellness and not just his studies. Some days when I come over he is sad or upset, and this is his distraction from his studying. I let him tell me about it. He drew a picture of his toddler sister with hearts everywhere, remembering her in her sweeter times.

The big heart with the crack was his heart. He told me what had happened to upset him. After our warm-up we went for a walk and to the swings. I pushed him and did the "underdog" for him. One of the sentences he wrote for his warm-up was, "God healed my heart and changed my dad's heart." He told me how he wished his dad did not frighten him. We talked about it. I told him since his dad's parents are divorced that it could be that his dad's heart needs some healing too, even though it didn't look like it. He told me how his dad's dad would scold and spank his dad when he made errors on his homework. I told him this was not good : (. The child said, "Maybe something got to my dad to make him sad." He said he wanted to go up to his dad and apologize for getting mad at his sister (he confessed this in telling me), tell him he forgives his dad and hopes he forgives him too, and explain that his sister initated the conflict and how he felt wronged by getting scolded for it." His dad explained to him in return that until his sister reached a preschool age, she will not be reprimanded for not asking or saying, "please" to her brother for his toys. He was joyful, came down with a big smile, glad to have made peace with his dad.

I played with my nephew yesterday. He has been raising his eyebrows (especially towards the midline, so that he gives that sincere look, while smiling) when he talks to you and making plenty of sounds. He seems to be very responsive to the song, "You Are So Beautiful to Me". I sing this to him and he seems to sing along. It's hilarious, the facial expressions he makes. He puts his hands together too. When I take him outside, he looks up at the trees, at the clouds. He loves it.

[Edit: Photo added 9/03/09]